I was getting to a stage at home where I wasn’t agreeing with the family’s ideas about how I should live anymore and I wanted to move out with my first real girlfriend. I’d had other girlfriends through High school after getting back from around Australia and did a fair bit of fooling around but she was the first long term one. I’d been out with a fair few older girls, I don’t know what they saw in me as they were more developed and I was a skinny little weed. I had a few embarrassing situations like when I got back with Janine briefly and thought I was feeling something but I’m sure it was sanitary and with her friend I thought I was feeling a boob but it happened to be a roll which I didn’t realise until I couldn’t find a nipple. Anyway I moved out into Woopi and started working at Eagle Boys, it was good for a while there, she was working I was working and surfing heaps and we had a pretty good time. I spent a lot of time there surfing with Davo who turned out to be one of my longer term friends and also with Power’s and we also jammed a lot which was awesome to hang with someone who shared my taste for metal. I also had one of my many accidents while there, I ran up the bum of a flash Excel so it cost me a fair bit of coin. We then moved into a house at Emerald, it was good for a while there too but not long, up until then I was hanging with people who were happy to just surf and bum around but at Emerald I started hanging with the boys a lot more and getting on the piss. I was surfing a lot and getting a lot better doing airs a lot and even a few air reverses. I had some sick sessions there too; barrels at Shelly’s and main and one day my swimming training paid off when I was out at huge main and the only other bloke was Holland and he went in, I lost my board and got sucked out and down the beach, I treaded water for about an hour and when I finally got back into the break the waves were that big that it was hard to bodysurf on in, when I eventually got in I kissed the shore. Holland was a bit weird he was with Alicia when I broke up with her and I didn’t care and I was asking him about the tow ins he was doing and he thought I was taking the piss; it was actually funny how many mates went though her after me and people think that’s slack but I really don’t care, I was done with her. Powers cracked me up; he felt really guilty and told me but I just laughed, Rob did but he doesn’t feel guilty about anything, Razzle the strange man he is was bragging about it to me, which was a bit much. We started doing a food and beverage course which I didn’t really enjoy and after we broke up I stopped going so it was a big waste of time. She didn’t like me getting on the piss all the time and several occasions like going to check the surf and not returning until hours later and passing out in the driveway after running into a party on the way probably didn’t help the situation. We weren’t getting along well and eventually I decided to end it and I thought the best way to end it would be to go out and get with someone else that very night, it definitely put a stop to any chances of getting back together. After this was a fun but messed up time of my life, I stopped surfing as much lived on friend’s couches for a couple of months and basically got wasted as much as possible. I even took up smoking as I wasn’t working much and found that if I smoked I wouldn’t get so hungry. I also lost a good job that I started making Pizza because I broke my knuckles after being trashed and thinking it was a good idea to break up a fight between a couple of black fellas that I didn’t even know.
This is also around the time I got my some of my revenge for the Passat that I spoke about earlier, I was driving into town with all the boys and had been drinking so decided to take a back road to avoid cops. It turned out to draw more attention than anything, I was in Clint’s 4WD Subaru and there was a track through the bush, I decided to take this track. Everyone else in the car was saying no but there was one voice of reason, of course the one I listened to. It was Walshy: ‘Do it Woodsy! Shut up you pussies’ It turned out to be a swamp and rather than change it to 4WD and go slow I gunned it and we got stuck, then after revving the shit out of it to no avail I told the boys they’d have to get out and push. There was water coming up to the sills and we were all in going out gear so they got down to their Redge Grundys. It was a classic! We eventually got out and they were covered in mud and telling me to just drive back to the road, even Walshy wasn’t supportive when I said: ‘we’re going through the next creek’. But I’d made up my mind and couldn’t let a bit of water get the better of me, it did. Luckily this time I could reverse out and we went back to the road like we should have the first time and went out and had another huge night. I spent a lot of time at Krepo’s, which was great even when he started seeing my ex. I respected him though because rather than doing it on the sly he was up front and asked me if I’d mind so I said: ‘sure, good luck to ya’, I also spent a lot of time at Rob’s ghetto and they both have became my long time friends. We were all getting wasted a lot and had some crazy times like when Krepo decided to drive over an hour pissed to a rave at 4 in the morning and got busted by the bacon as soon as he pulled onto the highway; when I was doing flying head butts into his boxing bag, missed and fell down 2 flights of stairs and didn’t even have a scratch. Others were getting Krepo to smash my knuckles back into place after breaking them which just didn’t work; then Tex had a shoulder that kept falling out so he asked me to smash it in for him. I had him against trees, was slamming him in the door of a car but none of those genius ideas worked either. We were walking around one morning about 5 and were convinced that a huge star in the sky was a comet coming to end the world, so convinced that Darcy woke up his mum to say goodbye and when she saw it she said: ‘I’ts Saturn you idiots!’ We’d been looking at it for an age, telling each other how much we don’t want to die. It could have had something to do with the whole millennium thing; Emerald attracts some strange characters, one bloke was convinced that a tidal wave would knock out the east coast so he packed everything in his car and drove to Western Australia to live in. The freak’s probably still there, off his head thinking he’s the only man alive.
Messy
I was getting wasted but luckily I was functioning one night when for a change Rob passed out and left me in charge of his house. These idiots were all arguing out on the road and I was trying to at least get ‘em round the back of the house, they kept going and I was worried shit was going to get broke so I got the hose on ‘em and told ‘em to piss off. There was a few fights on the street after that but somehow no one wanted to have a go at me, even after being hosed! Someone who did have a go at me was this feral bloody mole at a party, a young fella was going to hit her sister (this sounds bad and is, but if you met this family you would understand) I stopped him hitting her as I knew he’d regret it, she started pushing me away and egging him on. I said something like; ‘Piss off you silly bitch’ and after stopping her from getting clobbered her older sister had a go at me. Then after I shouted to everyone; ‘Don’t touch this slut, she’s got rabies’ she hit me in the mouth with her shoe and gave me a decent gash. I then kicked her in the snatch just to get her and her shoe away and she came back and hit me over the head with a bottle of JD. Somehow it didn’t break which was really lucky, hurt a little though. Thankfully I was smart enough to realise that no one wins against this crazy bitch so I backed down. Another time I didn’t get hit but Josh could have been stabbed if I hadn’t been lucky. This idiot was hitting on Josh’s wife so he had a go at him; afterwards his crazy sister came at Josh with her arm swinging. I was pissed but thankfully reacted quick enough to pick her up and pin her on the bonnet of someone’s car. It was then I realised she had a knife in her hand, that could have been a much uglier night. Also at this time I get ripped off by a couple of idiots; I seem to attract them, like I’ve got a sign that says; ‘sucker’ on my forehead. One of them; Krepo and I were working with underpinning, turning up wasted and then getting on it every arv. I should have known; he would walk into bottle shops, chat the staff up and then dak a top shelf bottle and we’d drink it with him. One day I was showing friends I trusted some items of value that were still at the house Alicia and I moved out of and he turned up. It was too late and he saw too, the next day he left town and the items were gone. Another rip off was a Pelican who I went down to Merimbula with to work, on New Year ’s Eve his stupid little cousin threw a bottle at a group of huge islanders. Of course they tore him apart, no one was helping so I went in to get him out. He was that bad that he had to have plastic surgery and his jaw wired back together. This so called; ‘friend of mine dragged me into the bush as I was knocked out and left me there while he went and scored a root, I woke up a bit before midnight and walked home, blood pissing out of my head and no one even helped me, I guess I would have looked a bit intimidating, after that I headed back to Emerald quick smart.
Another one was from years ago when I lived in Woopi and he was getting me to book up a lot of credit on his behalf and then he took off leaving me with the bill, luckily the debt collector was understanding and gave me plenty of time to repay. I was back into the messy lifestyle and hadn’t seen Krepo for a while, when I did he said; ‘You look like shit’ I went and looked in a mirror and I was pale, dark eyes and even skinnier looking than usual. It might have sounded a bit harsh but I’m really grateful because I decided to distance myself from everyone and get myself sorted. He’s another lifelong mate, one time there was this tool who owed me a bit of money and wanted to borrow some off Krepo and when he said; ‘no’ the other bloke gave him a bit of lip, Krepo got up with the shits and chased him down the road saying if he owes me money don’t come asking him for it. I wasn’t too worried about the whole thing but he has a great respect for those who respect him. I moved in with a mate Todd; didn’t do much of anything but sit around get healthy and do a lot of thinking, I’m lucky to have some great friends like him that have helped me out. After a while I went out to Wee Waa to chip cotton with Clint; the season finished early, the week I got there so there wasn’t much we did other than get wasted. There weren’t many chicks either except a big fat one who I rooted. Gotta try everything once, it was pretty bad but a man has needs. I then moved back; spent a couple of weeks living at home and got out of there wondering how I stayed sane living there. I love them but it’s so much better when we have our own space. I moved into Coffs with some weirdo from the paper and got a great job at the Galvo’s and was earning good money. One night I had some mates over and he accused them of stealing his money, I didn’t even dignify him with a response. After that though he freaked me out, he left me a note saying he knows where my family live and I have to pay him back. He was a little weed that I good have broken but who knows what kind of Psycho he was, I put a lock on the inside of my room and got out of there as soon as I could. The night the boys came was a classic though, the next day Clint spewed off the balcony onto the lady’s underneath he was going to clean it but she tore into him so he told her; ‘piss off back to your own country’, wherever that was. Before moving I got part two of the car revenge, I was crook at work and they sent me home. My boss said; ‘do you want a lift?’ Of course I said no and sure enough I fell asleep and ran up the bum of another car. The Subaru was trashed, so I had to finish paying off a car that was useless. The lady I ran into claimed she had whiplash but thankfully that was proven wrong, I had to pay for her car though which took me an age.
Growing up
I moved into a caravan at the Clog Barn which was really good, across the road from a pub and I starting hanging with Davo and surfing more. It was great to be surfing more but the problem was because I was unfit and hadn’t been surfing much then went out and tried to do tricky shit that I used to I hurt my knees. This was a problem that bugged me for years to come I did crucial and medial ligaments in both knees, my ankles, back and shoulders, eventually with a bit of advice from Dad I realised that I need to do regular exercise to keep fit. Years later in Logan I started to ride a pushy more and then in Balikpapan I started going to gym and it wasn’t really until the Sunny coast and surfing everyday for a decent amount of time that I really started to shake the hassles I was having with my lazy body. I also got heaps of chicks at this time, a bloke with no car or license living in a caravan is quite a catch after all! I was determined I was never going to have a girlfriend though after the last experience. I was also accused of being a dog a couple of times which I’m sure I’ve never done; once was a mate who wasn’t even with this chick anymore and I was hanging around her a lot, he thought I was plugging her but I really wasn’t. The other that surprised me more was when I was hanging around this older chick and I was wasted and she said I had a ménage but I really can’t remember. The problem was the other chick was Todd’s shocking missus, I don’t think he believed me I stressed that if I did that I would have bragged not denied it. It amazed me how easy it is to keep some chicks happy after the assholes they’d been with before; one would give me her car and balled her eyes out when I told her I don’t want to see her anymore and rode away on my bike.
Then I met Michelle and things changed forever; she is like no one I’ve ever known, we were at each other like rabbits but I also just loved her company. I could really be myself so yes she became my girlfriend and then of course my wife. The way we got together actually was probably really fortunate so we got to know each other before each other’s bits. I had a problem with the ‘Enigma’ as Rob dubbed it at the time, I didn’t properly prepare a chick I took home and tore the old fella so I had to get altered. Therefore I was out of action and couldn’t do what I was longing to do with Shell; she appreciated my honesty though. Actually finally getting her phone number took some time, for a long time I’d been rubbing it against her on the dance floor and she’d been loving it (which was my proven method of getting chicks home) but she was playing hard to get, which just made me more determined. I once got close and I thought she went home with someone else so the next time I did the same thing, eventually when she was wearing the see through white dress for which my mate named her; ‘G banger’ she gave me her number. Our first date was the pub across the road; the Greenhouse Tavern that years later we had our wedding reception in; then we hardly left each other’s side and not much longer we moved in together and were engaged even if she didn’t know it. I asked her if she wanted to get married one day and I wasn’t too fussed wither way and she said she’d like to so I said OK. I took that as we were getting married and months later she brought it up again and I said: ‘Yeh, we’re engaged’ and she didn’t realise that conversation was my way of proposing. I did do it the proper way after that though, well my own twist on the proper way. Sexy bum went home for Christmas this year and that was a long couple of weeks but we made up for it when she returned. Before moving I was made redundant by the Galvos which sucked at the time but I got a big payout and with that finally got a car, a board and an electric that is the best guitar I’ve ever played. I didn’t have the car long though but for once someone ran into me and I actually got money and then bought the best car I’d ever had; the Gemmy. I was still in a lot of debt from the other crashes and it showed Pocket Rocket was a keeper that she didn’t run a mile when she heard about it. We had a heap of fun throughout all this time like getting back into a caravan for a Valentine’s and booking into Opal cove resort for our Anniversary. After Coffs we moved to Sandy Beach and things were getting better but then we moved to Mullaway for our best time up to that point doing heaps of Surfing and having barbies out in the backyard Then we moved into Woopi and I surfed heaps still and we had some great times at the pub, borrowing flowers from the gardens in the street for Shell, wrestling with the boys but then I had another run in with the boys in blue on the way home from the pub but all was good until life threw another spanner in the works and we moved to...
Gin Gin
We’d actually planned to get married on the anniversary of when we first met; the 13th of October but the opportunity to move came up and it was something we both wanted to do. As I said life was great at this time and it might seem strange that we moved away from the surf but Michelle’s dad was sick and needed treatment but they had the farm, her sister and of course the dogs. We moved there so he and Joy could go to Brisbane and he could get fixed up. Apart from being nowhere near the surf Gin Gin is a nice place, out in the bush with plenty of room to breathe and Boobs’ parents are awesome. We where there for a while before they actually went to Brisbane and I got to spend plenty of time getting to know them, I had met them a few times before but not for long enough. The first time I met Joy was at the Greenhouse and I was a bit nervous but after about 5 minutes I realised that she was just as crazy as I was. I started work picking zucchini’s on my birthday and it wasn’t much of a present, Sexy eyes came for a day and hated it even more than I did, luckily I then got a decent job on the council which was OK; the boss of my crew was a wanker but most of the others were alright and I got decent money. Shell stayed home to look after the farm and Roxanne and when I was let go she scored a job in Bundaberg which was about an hour’s drive but good money and she liked it. So I was the one looking after the farm and supposedly Roxanne but I got sick of that pretty quickly as she is a spoilt little grub. This was also when I had the worst crash I’ve ever had; I was driving to pick Roxanne up along the narrow dirt road and came up over a dip and was heading straight for a Pajero that like me was in the middle of the road. We were only going about 60 k’s each but there wasn’t enough time to stop; as I was in the Gemmy the Pajero came out on top and that was end of the Gemmy. It still freaks me out thinking about it; I can still hear the sound of metal crashing into each other. I was very lucky though; I cut my feet up and hurt my ankle because they were caught under the pedals but that was the worst of it. I got in trouble with the police again because of it though, I was in shock and made the mistake of saying it was my fault which it turned out we were both to blame. The worst thing was that Gorgeous was on her way home and saw my mangle car on a tow truck and feared the worst, she was pretty freaked out and relieved at the same time when she got back and I was there, reasonably OK.
During our time at Gin Gin we had a few trips around like up to Agnes Waters where I actually had a decent surf, it was tiny but had perfect shaped little right handers. We had our third meeting anniversary here too at Bundaberg where we stayed in a hotel and went out for some much needed time alone. I got my first Tatt there on my gut and it hurt a bit but it was the start of more to come. Soon after that we headed back home and stayed down the back of mum and dad’s a couple of weeks before getting married. It was great to be back and I had a couple of great surfs during that time. We then had our bucks and hen’s night; I was stoked, we started on Darkum Headland with beers and a barbie with my good mates and three generations of Woods there just kicking back and watching the surf. We then went into Woopi and got a bit more serious about getting wasted, that was where they put the ball and chain on me. We then moved into Coffs and went to the Planto; the ridiculous security guards wouldn’t let me in with the ball and chain, I couldn’t even lift my leg, let alone use it as a weapon as those knuckleheads reckoned. After a lot more antics at the Planto and right at the end of the night I met up with Michelle at the only club in Coff’s; Extreme. She and her friends and family had been at a Mexican Restaurant getting smashed and being stupid. My sister’s were there too and Clint was doing the protective big brother thing and picking on this little toerag who was tuning Kate. Afterwards we were all getting kebabs and some other knob butted in and started mouthing off at Clint, it was now my turn to do the protective big brother thing and I told him not so politely to shut his gob. Luckily Phil was there who seems to know everyone and he smoothed things over before it became a bad end to a great night. The next weekend we did the traditional thing and spent the night apart and the next day I got up; had a surf, rushed in to decorate the Greenhouse and sink a few rums, as Sexy pants was busy drinking Champagne and getting Beautified and then we all headed out to Nana Glen to get...
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